Control… Real or Illusion?
There is no such thing as “control”… Control is an illusion…
How can we say, “I have control over (xyz)”, when we really don’t?
Weather is very uncontrollable and very unpredictable.
Life is not our choice to choose. We are here for a reason and we leave for a reason. What those reasons are… We spend most (if not, all) of our life time trying to figure it out.
It is up to us to “occupy” ourselves for the time between our birth and our death. None of us ASK to be born and none of us ASK to die. We may say so out of anger, but ultimately it is not our choice.
People try and try to have the miracle of birth and never get it while others are blessed with one or many.
Some people have tried to bring death upon others if not themselves and again a miracle of still being alive somehow happened.
I know that I am going to end up pulling a lot of tears of my own as well as others with this message. And, that’s ok, because we all need a good cry and reminder of how fragile life truly can be and that we have no control over what happens or how it happens.
I was and still am blessed to have what family and friends I do have around me, because they have helped me more than they know.
I have been through A LOT in my life and know that I will continue to have rough patches. I am no more special than anyone else that roams this planet we call “Earth”.
A few stories that I share will have you baffled scratching your head while others will have you on the edge of your seat filled with rage and wondering why I handled it the way I did.
It may take a few blog post to tell the whole story from time to time and it may just end with this one. I haven’t decided yet…
The first story…
The first one I want to share is back when I was 8 years old. I have a feeling this one will click with a few of you out there reading this…
When I was 8 (my younger brother was 7), our mom got really sick. I don’t remember what it was that made her so sick, but I do know that she was rushed to the hospital by ambulance from our house. At the time we lived in Belton, Missouri in a mobile home trailer park called “Southfork”, and our house was a 3 bedroom double-wide.
We lived there so long that I could tell you everything about our home. How it was laid out, what was in each room, how it got rearranged, but that isn’t what this story is about…
As mom was being secured on the gurney to be loaded up into the ambulance, my dad was on the phone to our grandma to tell her that she might be needed in a few days to watch my brother and I in case he had to leave for a business trip and mom wasn’t home yet.
She ended up coming over right away to watch us so that dad could go see mom at the hospital and find out what was going on. I don’t remember him getting home until some time during the night because he was in bed when I woke up the next morning.
I couldn’t tell you how long mom was in the hospital, but when you are a kid it seems like FOREVER!
My brother and I were scared and worried what was going on after dad tried to explain what he was told by the doctors. He took us up to see her a few times and she seemed really tired between cuddling us up in the bed with her. We were careful not to pull on any leads or lines that might hurt her. We were small and not sure how to handle all of this or take it all in. It was something none of us could control.
We were all scared.
What scared me the most was when we were sitting at home with our grandma and my dad walked in in tears… I think that was the first time I ever saw him cry.
When you are little you think that your dad is the toughest guy in the world and no one can break him. I was the kid that thought that until I saw him cry. He tried so hard to hold back the tears as he sat down in his recliner and asked my brother and I to come sit on his lap.
As calmly as he could, he told us that the doctors had told him that they didn’t think mom was going to make it. She had developed a UTI (urinary track infect) that was trying to get into her blood stream and she wasn’t responding to the antibiotics they were giving her by IV and pill.
Of course, my brother and I being so young burst into tears thinking we would never see our mom again, at least not alive. We weren’t ready for that at such a young age, but you can’t control it.
All this happened right before Easter. What a holiday for a kids world to come crashing down, huh?
Christmas would have been worse I suppose, but for a kid… hunting for Easter Eggs is just too much fun! Hide and go seek with inanimate objects, ha!
Easter morning came and our grandma had told our dad that she was getting us all dressed up to go to the local church that was having a HUGE egg hunt and that we would meet him back at the house later on so he could go see mom. So, we had our fun, went back to the house to get cleaned up from playing in the grass and grandma noticed we had a message on our machine. It was dad telling us to stay put when we got there that he was bring lunch to us.
My brother and I put our stuff away, changed our clothes, and grabbed a few small pieces of candy our grandma said we could have while we waited on dad and lunch.
Usually, I am really good at hearing when people were on our porch and heading towards the door, but this time… I was so zoned out at the television that I didn’t hear anything until our front door opened and mom rolled in with our lunch on her lap with dad right behind her.
It was an Easter miracle to have our mom back and healthy again!
Like I said at the beginning of this message… none of us knew how or what caused my mom to get sick and it took a few days for the doctors to figure it out too.
Most things are done by a guess to narrow down what the problem could be until we pin point what the problem truly is.
We still have no control over how we get sick or IF we get sick. We have no control over our sickness being the end of our time on this planet.
I don’t know how my mom recovered from such a close call and she continued to do so throughout us growing up.
It wasn’t mom’s time to go yet and it was proved time and time again. We didn’t ask to be scared of if she would come home or not. It just happened.
If this story touched any of you, please leave a comment below.
If you are feeling lost and totally out of control, let’s try to work together and get you back on the right path.
Someone or something helped my mom recover from her near death illness, let me help you recover from what is holding you back from living life again as you choose.
Let go of the illusion of control and grab on to the adventure of life!